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“There’s this great line in that we’re all a bunch of 10s looking for 11s.

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It’d be one thing if we were occasionally hanging out (or even becoming fuck buddies), but that never happened.

I’d invite him over, but his phone always “died omg so sorry.” Every time I was ready to dismiss him, though, he’d find some way to make his presence known.

If you’re ghosted, you get to go through all the stages of grief.

But when someone disappears and then continues to text you, you don’t even get that.

He’d double-tap weeks-old Instagram posts or ask me to have lunch in Greenpoint in half an hour (which is the grossest nonstarter of an invitation if I’ve ever heard one).

The texts themselves would invariably be punctuated by baffling kissy-face and see-no-evil monkey emoji — the universal language offlirtation.

It’s like they’ve died but keep coming back to life.” I ask Jean if she thinks women can be benchers, and she pauses briefly before responding.

“I think women do play games with men in their lives who have been around for a while, just waiting in the wings,” she says.

He’d suggest dates, but plans would magically fall through.

and I had gone on maybe three dates, but we were still exchanging the occasional text months after the last time we saw each other. Instead, we were engaged in this bizarre textual limbo.

The benchee is complicit because he wants Jean, a 31-year-old writer living in New York, thinks women are falling for the bencher’s perceived niceness. “I won’t actually hang out one-on-one because I want to avoid any confusion for her about my interests,” he says, “but I’ll still text with her, often a few days after those botched plans.

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